Friendship revelations: what I learnt hosting 14 people in two months
The last two months saw a revolving door of people consistently staying with me. 14 people to be precise. My place was a concoction of energy, buzzing with a myriad of vivacious personalities.
Whether they were here for the beach, good weather or to see me – it was the best having my friends and family by my side as I settled into my new home. Sure, it was busy and chaotic at times but it was mostly just a lot of fun and super wholesome.
While my hostel is now officially closed – here are some friendship lessons I learnt from the intimate and intensive time spent with my inner circle.
I really value variety in my friendships.
Within each of my friendships, there’s a treasure trove of experiences and individuality. Their distinctive characteristics and charm set them apart from one another, while also forging the intricate webs of my support network.
Each time someone new stayed with me, they brought their vibe and flairs, which in turn made each experience entirely different. I knew I could rely on certain people to make me feel calm and grounded, while other relationships would guarantee a fun night out or going on an exciting adventure. Deep conversations on the same topic took on entirely different tones depending on the person, highlighting the broad range of perspectives and nuances that come with having a variety of people in my life.
Yet, this diversity extends beyond just my friends’ personalities.
I have a mix of interests and passions, so having varied friends has become more pivotal to me throughout time. I find myself frequently compartmentalising friends from various aspects of my life into categories like “my school friends” or “my work friends.” I have my ‘creative’ and ‘sporty’ friends, but also my ‘logical’ and ‘emotional’ friends. In a way, I feel like specific friendships complement certain aspects of my life, with some contributing more and others contributing less.
Adopting this mindset has helped me to put less pressure on any single relationship, nonetheless, something I admire about my closest friendships is how adaptable they all are. I feel like my friendships all withstand the comfortability of effortlessly scrolling on TikTok while sitting in silence.
I feel like my friendships can all handle moments of comfortable silence while we casually scroll through TikTok together or a mundane night watching reality TV and eating leftovers. Simultaneously, they know how to *gracefully* get dunked by waves at the beach, skull seltzers en route a night out and befriend locals for my benefit.
E voilà. The versatility of my friends.
Setting boundaries in friendships is just as important as in other facets of life.
Naturally, I try demonstrating my appreciation of my friends through my actions – which was apparent when I was hosting. With my first guests, I did the most, striving to be the ultimate host, chef, Uber driver, entertainer, and tour guide.
While initially manageable, at the end of the first month, I felt exhausted and resentful, initially unsure why. Despite enjoying their company, I found myself dreading the arrival of the next guests. It dawned on me that I had neglected my own life in the process, failing to prioritise aspects of my routine that I find fulfilling. By placing pressure on myself to ensure my guests had a great time, I inadvertently sacrificed my well-being.
Even though I knew setting expectations like; cooking meals over dining out and making time to see my local friends, wouldn’t have been received poorly, it still felt like an inconvenience or burden. However, the opposite was more true.
Seamless communication made our time together more enjoyable, without any underlying stress or resentment. It also reinforced our mutual willingness to constantly improve and nurture our relationship.
My friendships challenge and push me.
Whether it was forcing me to go for a run with them, hyping me up to be more unhinged on the dance floor because “we don’t know anyone here” or encouraging my aspirations that I don’t always believe are possible – my friends simultaneously support and challenge me.
It’s the best feeling having your mates as your personal cheer squad, always pushing you to do more because they believe you can. All my friends are extremely ambitious, a quality I love about them and something I probably don’t express enough. Their drive for their own goals motivates me to do more and inspires me to get out of my comfort zone.
They also challenge me by raising new perspectives, playing devil’s advocate in all the right places, pressing me on certain world views and providing room for me to be vulnerable. The past few months allowed me to be more ambitious, try new things and explore places that I’m not sure I would have visited alone.
My friends have set a high bar for what I expect in friendships. And for that, I love them.
In the past, people have told me horror stories about their friends and naively, it has shocked me. I think one of the main reasons I feel my fists clenching when I hear about a friend getting mistreated is because I have such strong friendships.
My friends who visited went above and beyond. They met me for lunch by my work and stripped the bed sheets when they left. They drove around letting me be the passenger princess, cooked dinner for me, listened to my rants, replenished my groceries just because and surprised me with afternoon cookies or pastries.
How attentive my friends are is really quite remarkable. For example, one of my friends got me a gift that couldn’t have been more perfect because of its sentiment. Throughout her visit, I kept mentioning how much I wanted a hooded towel. It was a half-serious, half-joking remark that turned into an ongoing joke.
“This is how I’ll assimilate into the Gold Coast,” I told her pointing out a family with embarrassingly matching towel hoodies.
She’d giggle every time I raised an eyebrow at someone with a hooded towel and remarked something stupid like, “Gimme a few months, that will be me post morning iron man and surf.”
So, when she handed me a Rip Curl bag with a pastel blue hooded towel inside – I viscerally screamed.
Gestures like this are always so heartwarming, because of the care, thought and memories associated with them. Now whenever I put my towel on and wander around like a smurf, it feels like a little testament to our friendship.
The way each friend said, “slay” when they caught me horrifically singing in the kitchen, even though they would have preferred silence. And, the way that I didn’t feel embarrassed to hit every wrong high note is reflective of how comfortable they all make me feel. Throughout the two months, I cried at a Thai restaurant, sat by a lake talking about love and hot-girl-walked while discussing life aspirations – experiences that pay tribute to the depth and diversity of our bonds.
I am incredibly grateful for each of my friends, both those who visited me in the GC, but also those who have spent hours on the phone with me and the new networks I am fostering here. The care, compassion, and support exhibited by my friends mirror the qualities I strive to bring to my relationships with others.
Ultimately, they’re just making me a better friend.
Queue ‘I love my friends’ by Kris Jenner <3